• Home
  • About
    • My Favorite Things
  • Speaking
    • Speaking Request Form
  • Podcast
  • Events
  • Shop
    • Freebies
  • Contact
  • Blog

Andrea Fortenberry

Choosing Joy – Part II

November 12, 2016 By admin

12 Nov

Last week I started this little series discussing the three things I’ve identified that often steal my joy. Perhaps you struggle with these things too. If you missed Choosing Joy – Part I, click here.

In addition to comparisons, perfectionism steals my joy. All. The. Time. I don’t know exactly when it all started, but it’s pretty typical for first-born children to be responsible, Type-A perfectionists, so I suppose that’s where it came from.

I was an honor student all the way through college. I usually completed all my assignments well in advance of the deadline. Being a journalism major also encouraged my perfectionism, as accuracy in reporting and grammar are crucial. Making a mistake can make you feel awful and propels you to try harder to be perfect.

While being a perfectionist has served me well in some areas of life, it can also be my enemy at times, especially in my mothering. But I’m slowly learning to fight against it.

Last week on the way to school, I asked my kids to sign a Veteran’s Day card for my brother so I could mail it later that day. When we arrived at school, I asked them for the card and the pen, which I had taken from my purse. They handed it back and the cap was missing. They didn’t know where it was or which one of them lost it. Ugh! Anger started simmering within me. I felt myself ready to lose my cool. Now I can’t put the pen back in my purse because it’s going to mess up my purse, which means I won’t have a pen and goodness knows I need a pen in my purse!

I realized that spewing this on them as they left my presence for the day to walk into school was probably not the best idea. Who wants their mom to go crazy on them? Over a pen cap? Yeah, me neither.

So, I took a deep breath and told myself that I could look for the pen cap later or find another pen to put in my purse when I arrived home. I hugged my babes and walked away satisfied that I hadn’t let perfectionism steal the joy from my day one moment longer.

We can end up ruining ourselves and our relationships on the false altar of perfection because nothing will ever be perfect all the time! Instead of asking “Is this perfect?” I now try to ask myself, “Is it good enough?”

This question often makes all the difference in how I treat myself and others. It allows me to take pressure off myself that I self-inflict because I’m striving to make things perfect. It allows me to give grace to others and to embrace the beautiful messiness that is life. It helps me to choose joy.

Right now, there are Happy Meal toys scattered around my living room, kids’ crafts are piled on the counter and shoes strewn about. Is my house perfect or perfectly clean? No. But the messes remind me to be thankful and joyful for this evidence of living with my husband and kids.

Remember: Joy isn’t happiness, it’s choosing to be at peace with your purpose in your current season.

Do you struggle with perfectionism? The next time you’re frustrated when things aren’t working out perfectly, remember to ask yourself, “Is it good enough?” Be happy with good enough and don’t let perfectionism steal your joy!

(In case you were wondering, I’ve still not found that cap or put a new pen in my purse and the world did not end! But since we’re talking about it, I may as well  do it now before I forget.)

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: grace, gratitude, joy, motherhood, perfectionism

« Choosing Joy – Part I
Choosing Joy – Part III »

Meet Andrea


Hi! I’m Andrea Fortenberry. I write and speak on marriage, motherhood, friendship and faith. I love to help women seek and see God in their everyday life. Being a wife and mother of two gives me lots of material and teaches me oh so many things.

Let’s Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Join Andrea

Search this site

Recent Instagram Posts

Just a reminder for your Tuesday that feels like a Just a reminder for your Tuesday that feels like a Monday: HOPE is a choice. It’s not a feeling. 

We get to choose our response to the problems of the world. Will we despair or will we HOPE in our God who holds all things together? Even though we may not be able to control and change the entire world, we can make choices to improve our corner of it. We can inspire and spread HOPE to the people God places in our lives. 

Today, I choose HOPE. 💗
Could you use some hope as we wind down this week? Could you use some hope as we wind down this week? 

This week’s episode of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Mothering is all about daring to hope. 

I’ve received several messages from listeners saying this is just what they needed or that this has been their favorite episode so far. 💗 

I’m truly honored to spend time with you during these episodes. You can listen via the link in my bio or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Put up my verse for this year on my letter board. Put up my verse for this year on my letter board. I was one white y short. 😆 

If you ever come to my house, you’d see that besides family photos, I don’t have artwork of landscapes, abstract patterns or florals hanging on the walls. But I have many signs and decor with words, Bible verses and phrases that are meaningful to me. (Swipe over for a peek.) It’s important to put Scripture and inspiring, life-giving messages where we can see them. I hope my kids soak them in and take them to heart as they grow.

What kind of artwork, Bible verses or phrases do you have up at your house?
This has been my morning routine for a while and i This has been my morning routine for a while and it has made such a difference in my mood and my outlook on the world. 

We may not be able to control what’s going on outside our homes, but we can control our routines and what we allow inside our hearts and minds. I know that I can’t handle news and social media first thing in the morning before I do these five things. Settling my heart, mind, and body puts me in a much better position to intake news or scroll the polarizing opinions and loud voices on social media. 

I’ve heard @lysaterkeurst say, “We must exchange whispers with God before shouts with the world.” She’s so right. 💯

Do you want an accountability partner to check on you as you commit to these five steps this month? Give me a 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️ below and I’ll follow up with you. ❤️
I’m a processor and I’m usually slow to post s I’m a processor and I’m usually slow to post something. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because I prefer to wrestle with my feelings, write, pray, and/or talk with a close few. I think it’s the introvert in me. (And also the recovering perfectionist.)

While my heart has been heavy this week, I am also filled with HOPE. God knew that needed to be my word this year and I’m so thankful. 

A very sweet friend sent me this verse via text Wednesday morning, hours before the events at the Capitol. How poignant these words are to us right now!

I am daring to HOPE because I know God is still at work. I know He is Immanuel, God with us. He isn’t shocked by our world and our sinfulness. Yet, He still offers us fresh mercy, comfort, and salvation in Jesus, our living HOPE. 

May we place our HOPE in the God of HOPE because He is trustworthy and true.

Leave a ❤️ if you’ll join me in daring to hope.
For the last few years, I’ve picked a word to fo For the last few years, I’ve picked a word to focus on for the year. I pray and ask God what my word should be. 

Saturday I jotted down words on a list and prayed that God would help me figure it out. I was out shopping later that night and He reminded me of Romans 15:13. Then at church on Sunday, we sang a worship song about HOPE. I knew it was my word! 

Even though turning the calendar to 2021 didn’t change much in the world, I am hopeful that great things are still to come! And even when those moments come when I’m not so sure, I’m choosing to HOPE in the God of HOPE. 

Do you pick a word of the year? I’d love to hear it👇🏼.
#topnine of 2020. While this year was full of chan #topnine of 2020. While this year was full of change and things we didn’t ask for or expect, it also brought me many new experiences, relationships, and opportunities. Life is like that, a beautiful blend of bitter and sweet. 

Thankful for all I learned in 2020 and excited for the year ahead!
I’m excited to share the top five 2020 episodes I’m excited to share the top five 2020 episodes of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Mothering! 🎉 Swipe to see them and go take a listen if you haven’t already. 

I had wanted to start a podcast for several years and was intimidated by the technology and editing. 😬 The perfectionist in me was afraid of not being able to do it perfectly.

But this year I decided to show perfectionism who was boss and I started! 🙌🏼 I did some research, consulted a few amazing people who podcast, and went for it. It has been so much fun to connect with amazing women and record episodes that I pray are helping you in your motherhood journey. It has been a highlight of my 2020 for sure! 

Which episode has been your favorite? 

I’ll be back in January with more episodes! Let me know your topic and guest ideas here. 👇🏼
Follow on Instagram

Copyright© 2021 Andrea Fortenberry